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Post by earthman on Apr 16, 2008 2:22:57 GMT -4
I wrote this one night about a month ago, considered it done, then added music and a bridge a couple nights ago. I don't think it's anything too special, but I like playing it and the lyrics aren't totally meaningless, so I thought I might as well post it.
Sunbeams invaded the windows, crawled up to the ceilings, invoking strong feelings. I'm on the other side now, a stranger in town, in stranger surrounds.
Remember your history, boy, and the light in the room when they left you too soon. And how you'd feel let down and pine to stay frozen in time but still upward she'd climb.
With speech patterns stolen from people you'd known for a day you leave us so willingly once you start talking that way -- talk away.
I rode past a thousand proud urban farms, sad and unceasing, always increasing. Taking in all I could allow, arms raised and spread out, crucified, I shout
I am the one turned away from the sun, making amends with the enemy's friends I die amongst stars as you stare down the moon You're in tune.
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Post by Skeleton Keys on Apr 16, 2008 9:52:19 GMT -4
Fantastic. I've always liked your lyricism, Bren. Any particular influences?
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Post by earthman on Apr 16, 2008 14:24:08 GMT -4
Yeah, but I don't think any of their styles have really rubbed off on me too much. My favourites are, more or less in order:
Amanda Palmer (the Dresden Dolls) Gord Downie (the Tragically Hip) Bob Dylan (uh....Bob Dylan) Kimya Dawson & Adam Green (the Moldy Peaches, and solo stuff) Alex Turner (Arctic Monkeys) Emily Haines (Metric)
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Post by Skeleton Keys on Apr 16, 2008 17:44:02 GMT -4
I'm way down with you on Amanda Palmer, as she's been a long influence on me. Right now I'm starting to pay more attention to the word play of Isaac Brock (ala Modest Mouse), as he envokes a lot of wit in his lyrics.
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Post by iiholly on Apr 23, 2008 10:11:04 GMT -4
Isaac Brock is my hero. "Third Planet" has to be one of my favorite sets of lyrics ever.
The first verse reminds me of 'don't think twice its alright'. Which I'm not sure if Bylan wrote or not, but yeah you mentioned him. But it only reminds me of one line, so that only kinds of count. Interest way to use light and what. The rhyming of now and town is good, I like doing that sort of stuff that way you still kind of rhyme but it doesn't get to sing songy (kind of like the translation of Cantebury Tales where its like Chaucer you're ideas area awesome but I really need to learn old english so i can full appreciate this). The second verse is pretty solid, nothing too eye catching. Frozen in time... a different verb might be interesting if you could think of one. I mean the whole frozen time thing is a bit overused. The boy thing also reminds me of dylan or maybe just a lot of folk/blues song in general. Its kind of an abritrary note, but hey I'm at work and have some time to not work. There is nothing I dislike or could even critque about the speech patterns verse/bridge whatevs. I think that would easily get stuck in my head and its not cheese. So kudoes. Have a cookie. Verse 3: urban farms? Is that some sort of weird Manitober concept? This verse is good as well, but the whole crucified thing is WAY overdone. I mean its jesus (not to mention all the other people that got curcified on the regular). It fits in with the song, however, it may be a little mellow dramatic if I'm catching the meaning of the song. The last verse once again reminds me of Dylan with the whole light thing and "don't think twice its alright" which is what made me mention the comparison in the first place because I saw it used twice. "I die amongst stars as you stare down the moon," this line reminds me of Cummings... not only because he uses stars and moons and the transcendental like in a lot of his poems but there is also a line which it reminded me of specifically which caused the initial connection. "I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance". Its from "you shall above all things be glad and young" I know your line wasn't really intended to be joyous or anything but that was his last line as well and just ending it in that way gave me a similar feeling. UHG I've lost my caffeine buzz, but good job as usual brendonia, I'm looking forward to hearing the song.
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Post by earthman on Apr 23, 2008 13:36:24 GMT -4
Thank you Holly, that was probably the most useful critique of any of my stuff I've ever read. You hit most of it pretty dead on -- I think I threw in 'boy' because I was a syllable short and thought it sounded Dylan-y. The frozen in time bit bugs me as well, although moreso for using "pine." But the second meaning of pine kind of reinforces what I was getting at, so I left it. 'Urban farms' doesn't make a lot of sense, granted, but that's what I was getting at, in part. There's this weird trend when you drive from my hometown to the nearest city, where you don't really see the number of farmhouses declining until you're in the city. It's like farm farm farm BAM city. It always weirded me out.
And finally, yes, the crucified thing is waaaaaaaay overdramatic. I just really needed an ending to the pseudo-story that's being told. I didn't want it to be purely descriptive of the situation, I felt like I needed some action in there somewhere. So the narrator of this song has come to some realization of some sort, I guess. I haven't, but that's beside the point. I got a song out of it, so I'm cool.
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Post by iiholly on Apr 29, 2008 12:16:27 GMT -4
The power of christ compeled me. I'm so watching The Exorcist tonight.
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