|
Post by jiujitsu on Jul 16, 2007 21:15:49 GMT -4
Here's some lyrics I'm building a song around for my band. They ain't exactly a barrel of laughs, they're frontloaded with maudlin cliches and cheese, and they don't make much sense either, but yeah, I thought it might be a good idea to share them with someone outside the band for some feedback. Here she blows...
"REHEARSAL"
A twisted troll In a ruined house of mismatched cards A tale it spun Its glass resolve to vainly guard Of lurid farce And proffered roses smeared in hate A sordid hiss - Such as this?
Whisper your name to the repulsed faces Rave of death and tangled laces
But it's just a rehearsal For the legend of tomorrow Simply a rehearsal For the pageant never planned
Your pantomime will never see the light of day
The monster slept And dreamed of gaily-coloured sins Through rings it leapt As sharks shed tears and men grew fins A watch it kept For Roland's salvation in vain Creeping vines Smothered its mind
It sold its soul For all the devil cared But the shallow hole Became a void
But it's just a rehearsal For the falsehood of tomorrow Simply a rehearsal For the pageant never planned Yes, it's just a rehearsal One the smeared spectres deem uncouth Nothing but a reversal Of the watcher's icy truth
You hide in empty chambers of phantasm You lied when you swore your millionth vow of rebirth Wolvers cry as on a sin-stained floor you kill reality You die in contrived pain that causes only mirth
Your pantomime will never see the light of day
|
|
|
Post by earthman on Jul 16, 2007 22:14:17 GMT -4
Hmmm..... Well, this is full of that 'mythical' songery that isn't my thing. But I must say, you've done very well within it. I would consider the metal-myth lyricry sort of a confining style, but you seem to have gone around all that with some interesting phrasing. The first time I read it, I just thought "this is that metally crap I hate" and didn't pay much attention. But when I got to "The monster slept/And dreamed of gaily-coloured sins/Through rings it leapt/As sharks shed tears and men grew fins," I thought "that was pretty cool, now I have to read the whole thing." So I did, and I will say again that you've done a decent job. You get my approval.
|
|
|
Post by jiujitsu on Jul 17, 2007 1:27:41 GMT -4
Muchas gracias!
|
|
|
Post by iiholly on Aug 8, 2007 13:00:08 GMT -4
How Iron Maidenish of you. I like the whole concept of the song. Very "cute" .
|
|